My Aerial Diaries

My husband had gone to read a paper at a conference and i went along rather reluctantly, as always. The arguments were the same, the additional expenditure of my ticket and his usual answer, if i go alone then i don't enjoy, so in a way my ticket is also wasted and if you come along we get to spend the 16 hours together both ways of our long flights. The latter statement may sound a trifle over the top, for a couple married as long as we were but doctors who are in government jobs would know that Cardiology and Gynaecology pretty much exclude any leisure and throw in a couple of kids with their Board exam sect……you get the drift.

   The kids hadn’t accompanied us ,so i was kind of looking forward to the long haul flight in a  warm, fuzzy kind of way

   God please don't  send a young mother with a wailing kid,i know this will not pass the lofty moral censorship with a lot of readers,but heck,in all honesty,its a nightmare

  We were going to settle down in our seats,me in the window seat and he,the middle,in all chivalry,when  we were joined by our co- passénger-an attractive lady in her late forties,early fifties in a printed crepe silk saree draped with a careless elegance ,with the traditional good looks,the low bun and a bindi adding grace to the whole picture.Everything,from the expensive handbag and shoes smacked of a Civil Services or a senior PSU official’s spouse.We women know these things intuitively.

  We shared a smile as she sat down and as conducts on board flights go,that would have been the end of the interaction,barring the ,excuse me,i need to use the washroom.My husband let me take the middle seat so as to  make the lady  comfortable and we started checking out the inflight entertainment and what beverage to have….

  I would not have noticed anything amiss if she too would have got busy with a movie or her phone or laptop, which is what most of us do.She had the easy assurance of a seasoned traveller and as if she second guessed me,she said ,i come to visit my daughter who is working in San Francisco.i do it around 2 -3 times a year

  So there,duty to fellow passenger ends,don’t have to explain how to use the remote/hold her hand when the air craft starts shaking as if it has the “ague” as Shakespeare would put it or  “as an Aspen leaf in a tropical storm” ,how my old friends from Mills and Boon romances would term it. When the aircraft indulges in these acrobatics,you just calmly state to your nubile traveller that we are going through some Cumulonimbus clouds

  I remember several years back when as a teenager i was travelling alone and the aircraft started its convulsions,i hastily started scribbling on the Air sickness bag that i bequeath all my earthly treasures to my youngest sister and not the other two.Meanwhile,i was convinced that the middle-aged guy sitting next to me, immersed in the newspaper,had decerebrate or decorticate rigidity or whatever it is when you have no sensory inputs.When he  did look up and saw the fear writ large in my eyes-he made that apocryphal statement about the Cumulonimbus.I would ‘ve certainly spat back with an Oh ! Till now we were going through the Cirrus?,you are not the only one here who read Geography!

   I am a pilot,he continued which changed my expression to one of relief.He should know !And ever since i have been  comforting fellow travellers with that statement. This is a rite of passage of air travel.Everyone has been through air turbulence and has been comforted by the crew or a considerate fellow being.

   Over to more pressing matters,i wanted a glass of white wine and my husband his JD (Jack Daniels for the uninitiated!),which should not have been much of an issue ,since the airlines catered for both these ‘drugstore’ liquor brands but wine in aircrafts makes him puky and in my defence,ladies don't have whisky,so both of us stuck to our guns.

  You will fall asleep within half an hour of your first glass of wine and i will have your snoring to contend with.So we were supposed to slowly and synchronously enter the netherland , that was the general idea behind sharing the same drink

  Our friend did not ask for any beverage,not even an Evion or tonic water.You have to be a real pedigreed Indian to pass off an opportunity to extract your money’s worth.Iwanted to cheekily say Rahul ,juice? an iconic dialogue from KKHH but refrained.

  Can you help me with a decision? She asked.

 I groaned silently.There is no escaping people’s gory Gynaecological plaints,-not in parties/weddings /funerals/Parent Teacher meetings-but on board a flight,was a first.May be about her husband’s angioplasty in which case i will ask my husband to take centre stage (seat)and seek retreat in the window seat with my goblet.

  My husband is a senior officer in the IAS,she continued without waiting for an affirmative from me.We are from Bihar.My husband is very good with Maths and Physics and in his spare time would coach young aspirants for IIT/IAS entrance examinations.Needless to say,both my daughter and son got into IIT, daughter graduated from IIT Delhi and son from IIT Kanpur

  I draw a mental picture of two bespectacled nerdy siblings

  My daughter is a beautiful girl but very grounded.Status, qualifications,money, looks ,there is not a girl in our community,state or else where who can hold a candle to her.She didn’t sound like the usual mother who would burst at the seams with pride talking about her progeny,if they cracked the IITs,she just stated it in a very matter of fact way,half sounding as though she wished she did not have this paragon of virtues as a daughter.And unlike the ilk of proud  Indian mothers ,she was surprisingly dismissive of her son who was equally brilliant.

  Rhea ,my daughter was selected at an Ivy league college in the US for her Masters and is now working in the Silicon Valley.

   I patiently wait for my two bit role in this otherwise gripping biopic.Iam increasingly convinced that my being a doctor/Gynaecologist possibly has no relevance to my companion and i have probably been selected as would a jury,as just a random member of the cross section of society.

  Nothing in the presentation so far had given me an inkling of the diagnosis.

  She is very popular in her circle and many of her friends,Indians Americans and some from Pakistan ,Bangladesh ,Nepal would congregate at her place for festivals and celebrations.They would come even more frequently when i was around as they would get authentic Indian food and i have been pretty liberal about it as i know my daughter very well and have immense faith in her that she will not go astray.So unlike other mothers,i am not worried about Rave parties etc as i know my children have the rock solid stability of a happy, doting family behind them, my husband more than me ,who chats with them on a daily basis and is privy to each and everything happening in their lives,work.

  Their friends, all the Silicon Valley types  are Ivy Leaguers with a determination to do well and to do good if you understand the difference between the two.They would all be charting their glorious path on the world canvas in their respective areas of interest .I would often tease her about her “Swayamvar”, which of her friends would get lucky and get to marry her

  Meanwhile we were being bombarded with proposals from friends,family and colleagues.

   A little part of my brain was resigned to the fact that she may end up with an American colleague as that inherent chemistry  of a brown and a White would be too strong to ignore.The thought would nag me betimes but you didn’t give your daughter unsolicited advice,not when she has never given you a chance for lifting an eyebrow at her .Once in a while i would wonder if Christmas was going to be playing a bigger part in our lives.

  During the course of this visit she told me that she was fond of Adi and would like to get married to him ,if its alright with us.She of course hadn’t opened her heart to the guy in question as she wasn’t sure how we would take the news.

 Now, any parent would have been been proud to welcome Adi into the fold-he was good--ooking,tall,articulate ,always willing to lend a hand.He had done his  schooling in London and his Engineering from MIT and then Wharton .He was well brought up,as only a mother can judge from those little giveaways,how he would help out with the dishes and how he quietly slipped out and got some Noodles when he realised that i had underestimated the healthy appetite of  the flock.

   For the first few times that we met i assumed he was Adi as in Aditya but turned out he was actually Adil,but he was a fine guy and i had no issues with him being in Rhea’s coterie of friends

  But him getting married to our daughter,he was just the guy any parent would be proud to have as a son- in- law and my son who was working in a nearby city and would come down frequently to meet Rhea, also got along famously with Adi,but there was no running away from the fact that he was a Muslim.

  How do you convince people back home that you couldn’t find a Hindu boy for your only daughter.Surely there is no dearth of eligible Hindu boys.Then that invariable, there must be something about the girl that they had  to compromise!

   I owed it to my daughter to view this objectively,he is a Muslim but he is born and brought up in UK and the US and is a US citizen.After all George Clooney is married to an Arab girl Amal.I was already working on winning my husband around to this line of thought when Rhea mentioned that if  we plan an engagement ,Adi’s parents would have to come from Pakistan

  Pakistan! What are Adi’s parents doing in Pakistan That’s their home,Mom,they are Pakistanis

    Scenes from the partition as handed over from our parents and parents of our friends and relatives started swimming before my eyes,the Indo Pak wars,the daily exchange of fire and infiltration by the terrorists,the 26/11.

  God! Do you have to test us to our very limit? Self pity,denial,anger,i went through the gamut of emotions.Being a Muslim is one thing but being a Pakistani is quite another!

For God’s sake Ma,we are from the subcontinent ,we share a common identity here in the US.

    i didn’t tell Rhea and Rohan then but am telling you now in confidence.My husband is doing extremely well at work and there is talk about him moving to Delhi, to helm a more pivotal role in the government.Everyone had been congratulating him though it isn't out officially

  PMO ! You’re going to be a big man,they would tease him.

   At this point  even I who had been listening to this gripping tale with rapt attention,an innocent bystander in this piece, felt like saying a thing or two to the Maker.It was so not fair to the girl or her family!

   When did i transition from the beverage to dinner,i have no clear recall.My husband,i guess by his silence,although he couldn't hear the conversation,could realise that there comes a time in peoples’ lives ,when if they don't vent out ,they would implode.This lady here was standing at the precipice of Depression where she needed help,any help.She found it difficult to stay alone with all that was going on inside her mind even for the next few hours of the flight .She was definitely sitting on the horns of a dilemma-daughter’s happiness vs husband’s career-and they were not horns but  they were sharp pointed antlers that were gnawing into her. Something told me that her family,husband ,daughter,son all looked up to her and would accept whatever decision she took and that is why she didn’t trust herself with this responsibility.

   What would you do in my place? she turned to me.

So this was my bit role .It was at the climax.I could make or mar the movie-and the lives of some very good people.Ihad to do justice,i had to help this lady with at least a sincere answer,there were no correct answers here.

   The young are more resilient, Rhea will survive a broken heart /a part of the attraction may be the forbidden fruit appeal/ her work would be therepeutic/  she would heal eventually.

But the boy was just what anyone could’.ve hoped for/  religion is not a big part of our lives.

   Her dad’s career would go for a toss if it gets to the press- they can tweak the story and make it scream anything !

  I was assaulted by conflicting arguments and weighed down by my responsibility to deliver justice to a chance acquaintance.

   Something in her demeanour meanwhile tells me that she had walked this maze just as i had a minute ago,and had come out through another exit.

   In India,sacrifice is a big part of motherhood.If it were only a sacrifice on her part,the case would’ve been decided way back,She reasoned that her husband is but an extension of her being and vice versa and would have to succumb.Their daughter’s journey into adulthood had just begun.

I was not happy with my line of thought , nor with what i guessed was hers.Churning these facts in my mind,I don’t  know when i dozed off.

   We were woken up by the stewardess serving a lavish breakfast and the announcement that we would be landing at Delhi shortly.

After we were packed and ready,i looked at her enquiringly,but the eyes that were open and told  me their whole story in the anonymity of space were suddenly tongue-tied in the cold clinical proximity of land,i could gauge more in the darkness of the night than in the stark glare of the day.That moment was lost.

   I am sorry i poured my heart out to an unsuspecting You.she said guiltily.  Don’t  worry ,the ball is in their court now.

   How is the ball in their court?What part of the story did i miss.Something tells me she would not be walking me through it again.That moment of weakness  was gone.It takes a lot of courage to be weak in front of anyone,let alone ,strangers on the path of life.

 Luckily for me ,she continued .

Adi could sense Rhea’s feelings and the gentleman that he is,he didn’t want her to express her liking for him before he had a chance to confess to liking her. He told her that that he had been in love with her from the moment they met but he knew enough about the history and the situation in the subcontinent to ever dare to dream of a future together for the two of them.

   But like Rhea ,he was not a quitter.He was not going to let go without a fight.So he talked to his parents back home first, before accosting Rhea with his feelings for her .He was hopeful that having served abroad for so many years,his father would take a more pragmatic view of the situation. But his father very categorically put his foot down and threatened to get him back and working in the homeland if he did not immediately break all contact with Rhea,never mind the fact that they had met Rhea and Rohan when they visited Adi in San Francisco earlier and were very impressed with her.So much for the years of western influence!

 

After all ,he was the Chief Justice of his country and couldn't jeopardise his position!